On Saturday night I walked through town and had a couple of infuriating experiences. Firstly, you should see the hordes of youngsters chugging down alcohol at Cheadle Hulme station at half-ten; mental! There I was merrily standing, swaying on the platform all by myself enjoying the breeze and the cold when all of a sudden a trio of 16 & 17 year old girls come bounding up the stairs behind me clutching wine bottles, and digital cameras.
There they sat, in a waiting room with no door that smelt of piss, happily snapping away striking poses for each other. I tried to avoid their line of sight for as long as I could for fear of being roped into their photo shoot. Sure enough after a few seconds one girl in a green dress bounds up to me like a little brunette bunny, naïve to the perils of the thrills she so overtly advertises herself to, and asks me to take some group photos of them in the waiting room with no door that smelt of piss. I obliged for a quiet life, all the while being sound-tracked by New Order on my iPod. They then asked me if I wanted my picture taken. I say, “Nah you’re alright,” and left it at that. After this I relaxed in my original spot on the still deserted platform and settled again, hands wedged firmly inside my jacket pockets.
Five or so lads then come up, all about 17 or so, Smirnoff ices in hand, then about 5 more girls. This continued until there was (no exaggeration) about 25 or 30 youngsters, all clutching some form of medicine, all dressed beyond their years. The girls can get away with it, some of them look ok until you notice the way they shamble along, clinging nervously onto each other. The lads though, they look bloody stupid. I actually saw one kid; scrawny little sod, who had this waistcoat kind of thing on over a white long sleeve t-shirt, replete with skinny tie and almost unbelievably: trilby. He looked like a right donkey; probably didn’t have a prayer of getting into a club once he reached the city.
Anyway, I digress that wasn’t even one of the infuriating events I said happened. The first one happened as I got off the train at Piccadilly. This fat bald moron with skinny scarf dangling limp around his fat neck, eyeballs me as I near him and barges me with his fat shoulder. I mean what’s the point? I ought to have grabbed him by his stupid skinny scarf and rammed my index finger into his eye socket. I ought to have stuck a pencil in his fat neck, the imbecile. Of course I would never dream of engaging in such an act; but we have all felt this rage haven’t we? With hindsight, I’m not entirely sure what it was that so angered me. It may have been his stubborn refusal to deviate from his course, possibly his designer facial hair or maybe the pungent whiff of after shave. Most likely though was the unsettling feeling I got from his fat head, in that it seemed somehow condescending. I almost felt as though he’d made himself that way just so he could barge people in the shoulder. It’s hard to explain.
The second infuriating event took place after I exited the train station and crossed the road. An adolescent in his little black hatchback is at a red light at the pedestrian crossing, of course with his fit girlfriend (these kinds of idiots only have fit girlfriends it’s the law or something). Anyway he gets all aggressive and revs his engine at me as I cross in front of him. I stop in the road and eyeball him when he actually surges his 1-litre hot-rod in my direction. Of course he stops short of making contact but again; what’s the point? It isn’t even like his girlfriend was impressed by his intimidation either; you should have seen her, she couldn’t have slumped down into her bucket seat any quicker. I ought to have smashed his windscreen in with my foot then scraped a shard of glass into his face or something. Of course I’d never dream of engaging in such an act; but some rather more unsavoury characters just might have. It’s difficult to express how irritating these people can be. If only he’d enlisted in the Pedestrian Proficiency Programme earlier in his life eh?
Interestingly enough, Andrew, you touched on a subject very close to my heart. It was before you got infuriated, it was on the platform. Who does he think he is? Who does he think he is impressing? The scrawny little sod in his waistcoat, skinny tie and trilby! Does he not have proper mates, or a dad or brothers to tell him he looks ridiculous.
When I was 16, I wore a waistcoat once. My brother told me I looked like a tw@t. I didn’t wear it again.
I live near by to the train station in question. Do you think if you asked any of the girls or boys for a blow job they would have obliged?
You make an extremely interesting and inciteful point Mr Westgarth
The young man (no idea how old he was) you refer to with the ‘thin scarf’ and bad attitude, is someone, unfortunately, I can relate to. Shamed to admit it, though, acknowledging you were once a ‘prick’ is the best way to get over yourself and stop being a ‘prick’. I greet your point with open arms that he has no friends, brothers or girlfriend to tell him he not only looks like a prick, he acts like a prick. I was lucky enough to have these to tell me I was a little shit and should quickly change my attitude. Being so far up my own arse, I as you can well imagine told them all to ‘fook off’. I now want to get to my point which is the very best way to deal with thin scarf wearing scared little kids. I was followed home one day by 2 guys who were twice my age and twice my size. I remebered them imediately as 2 fellas I gave some fat attitude to for no reason. They beat the crap out of me and covered my from head to toe in indian ink (tattoo ink). I digress, so, back to my point. The very best way to deal with pricks and please take this on board as you no choice in the fact that you will cross paths with punks like this. OUT PRICK THEM. It is actually extremely fun. What you could have done in this instance is follow him making sure he knows you are following him. Instantly he will think you are a psycho especially if you talk aloud randomly at other pedestrians letting them know you are following a social time bomb. I hope this helps. And remenber dont let pricks piss you off, have fun with them:)