I suppose as this is my first ever post I should begin by telling you where I’m from; it’s Blackpool. I’m not actually going to write about Blackpool; my unfortunate birthplace, I’m here to write about the place I now live and work: Manchester.
I noticed today from my vantage point atop City Tower how its citizens move around efficiently like ants. They alight their trams and move in one group like ants rushing from a nest, before dispersing to their individual places of work. Most people seem to walk at the same brisk pace in Manchester too, which is something I greatly appreciate and one of the city’s major plus points. As an able-bodied citizen; it is frustrating and galling to be stuck behind a pavement snail. Blackpool is literally full of pavement snails, meandering and pausing right in front of you; they know not the psychological damage they cause to the unfortunate walkers sharing the thoroughfare behind them. Blackpool, Cleveleys, Fleetwood, Poulton-le-Fylde; all breeding grounds for the psychotic road-ragers of the future. And can you blame them? I certainly can’t, being stuck behind these sloths is enough to inject a dangerous level of intolerance for the speed-shy into any virile young man; putting him behind the wheel of a car is just the next step to ensuring a deadly smash at some point in the future.
I propose; to ensure the future safety of Britain’s roads, that every youth at the key stage of their psychological development be sent on a course (Similar in structure perhaps to the Cycling Proficiency course kids used to do) to learn how to properly negotiate a pavement. They would learn about pacing, how to use peripheral vision so as to avoid agitating collisions and abrasions, how to walk in a straight line, how to text WITHOUT stopping dead in their tracks aswell as general etiquette like avoiding eye contact with anybody.
I propose that the only place for this course to be carried out successfully and to it’s maximum civic potential, is Manchester city centre, and that I Andrew Hatch take on the responsibility of examiner from my vantage point atop City Tower.
It’s the right thing to do.
